By now I was managing normal household duties during the day & my husband had worked a few days at his typical 8-5 hours. We were approaching the July 4th weekend with no plans because just like his birthday we did not feel like celebrating or being around other people. We were discovering that joy did not come by celebrating with fireworks or candles but rather by settling in to watch tv or a long hot shower or watching our kids run through bubbles in the back yard. Joy came in the simple things & we did not need to look far to find it. We were more appreciative and more willing to accept our schedule of having no where to go and no one to see as long as we were together we would find joy.
I had made it to the mailbox to find Calvins death certificate, many sympathy cards & a medical bill from the hospital. It seemed life was carrying on. People were still thinking of us but business was back to usual. I was thinking of Calvin almost every minute of every day but I was not as sad as I was. I was not angry, I was never angry and by now I had began to accept that God had a plan to help us through this and that we would be stronger because of this.
Each day brought new hope. I had received a small box from the hospital that contained a picture that was took while his body was at the hospital, it also contained a molded imprint of his feet, the hat he wore, the hospital bracelet that was on his ankle & a certificate that read "Congratulations on the birth of your baby". I found myself finding time each day to look at his photo. I would rub my finger across the molded casting of his footprint & feel his tiny toes. I would hold & smell his little blue hat. Each day I would cry while I did this but it seemed to help because I was spending time with him.
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