My life is so different than I ever planned for it to be. I have learned not to plan. I am taking one day at a time, trying to enjoy as much as I can & not dwelling on how things have turned out. I am doing my best to not sweat the small stuff & just relax, trying to dig deep & determine how to move forward. It is hard to do laundry, take a shower, and vacuum the floor when I know my baby just died.
How can I carry on with normal activities? How can I watch a movie or laugh at something funny? I can because I have to! I have to pick up & take one step forward each day because sitting still; getting stuck will not help anyone. I have to heal and even though I want more than anything to curl up in a ball & never move, sob into a pillow, feel sorry for myself and be angry with God I know that it will not help.
God-even though it is hard to believe did not do this to punish me. He did this to bless me with the ability to overcome all circumstances of life. I will be stronger. I will persevere & I will one day know why I had to experience this pain.
My God is still an awesome God. He is still here with me & because of him I will be able to move forward each day. My life will never be the same. I will remember everything about Calvin from his first kick while inside of me to his little hand that I wrapped around my finger right after he was born. I will think of him every day, every holiday, every time June 23rd rolls around. He will always be with me.
I have decided to create this blog to help myself to move through my grief. I hope that if you choose to read this and follow along with my pain that you will be able to come out the other side just as I plan to & see that no matter what we are faced with that All things are possible with God!
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