Ultrasounds

This was our first ultrasound.

This was our last ultrasound photo. 

My baby grew inside of me for 23 weeks. He has been gone for 7 days. My body still thinks he is here. I can feel him inside of me-moving...it takes me a second to remember that he is not there. My milk came in & as my breast leak it reminds me that I should be feeding my baby. I was due Oct 15th. I should still be pregnant. I am not angry or bitter just sad that there was nothing that I could do to save him. I was his Mom-I talked to him, I would sing to him. I told him how excited we were & how great his life would be. I prepared him for learning to play golf with daddy & spoke about how his brother would teach him to climb a tree & play with cars. I told him how he was named after his uncle & his Pop-Pop.

I planned for him to be here.

I have bruises on my arms from the IV/needles that they used to numb my body. The bruises are fading. They are a yellow color which means they will be gone soon. I wish they would stay forever because as they fade I am faced with the reality that time is passing.