I read the book the scarlet letter while in school and as they wheeled me out of my hospital bed around 9 am that morning, just 5 hours after giving birth. I was pushed past my door and noticed that it had a piece of purple paper taped to it. This, I discovered was the notice to the nurses that my baby had died so that they would be more sensitive upon entering my room. I had been given the scarlet letter. I was wheeled by Jason to the door and as we waited for it to open I held a grey envelope in my lap that contained instructions for my at home recovery. I wanted to scream "NO! I shouldn't have to leave here without my baby! I need more than this envelope to take home! It is not fair!" I began to get a lump in my throat as I held back my tears because I did not want others staring at me as I sobbed. I felt like a robot.
We came straight home & tried to sleep. I couldn't so I called a funeral home & made arrangements for them to pick up my baby's body from the hospital. I hated hearing the sympathetic stranger on the other end of the phone. I hung up feeling like I could not believe I had to do this, was this a nightmare? Was this really happening? Again I felt this is not fair! I was not angry just questioning why me? Why my baby?
No comments:
Post a Comment